Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize