tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize