I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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