p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
