She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
