Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
