someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
