I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
