Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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