woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
