ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
