remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
