standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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