So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
