im gay
i know
yea but for you.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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