youre lurking in front of me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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