if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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