This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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