dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so much tequila, so little girl.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
