break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
