Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
