im six kinds of drunk right now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
