gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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