Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
