So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
