Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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