ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
