I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
