I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
