I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
