So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
