got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
