I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
