I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
