Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
