Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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