Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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