Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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