I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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