Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
