the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
