so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
