I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You left your phone here
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