Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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