You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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