Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
