Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
time to smoke my breakfast
The best revenge is premature balding
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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