So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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