planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
