I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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