I wanna bring you to show and tell
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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