Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize