ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just cropdusted the office
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
