i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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