Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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