I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
