I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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