so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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