I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize