Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
