Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize