what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Drunk is a universal language darling
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
