I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
