I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize