I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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