so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
